Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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