I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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