By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
His nipple licking is glorious
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