He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
