I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
