life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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