drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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