I wish I could teleport
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
