I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
