but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
