Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
