Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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