We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
