Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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