She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
