Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
