I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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