There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
