I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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