i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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