MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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