she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
