He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
