i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
