Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
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All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
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I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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