planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize