Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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