Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
