Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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