Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just google imaged poop.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
