I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
