I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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