the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
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It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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