Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
