Umm I'm too high to move.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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