yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
