R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
