Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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