I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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