i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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