I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
