did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
