i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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