please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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