I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
