if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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