1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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