put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
