The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
