After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
