I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
