i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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