whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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