eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
