just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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