This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
