I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
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Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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