so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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