True but thats because hes a fetus.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
