im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
