I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING