Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
