Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.