Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
