Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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