The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
