How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
last night I used snow as a chaser
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
