so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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