found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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