He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
