Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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