I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
