Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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