No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
