Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
