I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
