dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
